Why or what

Which of these two statements do you prefer:

1. “Why did you do that?”
2. “What happened & what can we learn from it?”

If you’re like most people, you’ll much prefer hearing the latter.

The first leaves people feeling like whatever they tried to do was wrong, and that they shouldn’t do it again. That growth is too dangerous to attempt.

The second leaves people feeling like whatever they tried to do wasn’t perfect, and can be improved. That growth is too important not to attempt.

Next time you give feedback to a team member, which is it to be: Why or What?